So here’s how my Monday started out. I get woken up by my alarm clock at the usual time of 7am. I of course, laid there until about 7:15, and then finally decide to get out of bed and hop into the shower. Before hopping in the shower, I decide to pee, just like I do very morning when I first get up. So, I pee, flush the toilet, and then watch it overflow onto my bathroom floor.

Yeah, not good.

I stand there for a few seconds in somewhat disbelief as I watch the water slowly recede back into the bowl. Half asleep, I am still uncertain if that really just happened. So, I flush again. Thankfully the tank was only about half full. I watched as the water rose precariously close to the rim of the bowl, swirl for a bit, literally burp, and then slowly recede. Then it hits me. Jess.

Let’s go back a few hours to the night before. My lively wife was in the bathroom and I was sitting on the couch. She was going pee like she does every 20 minutes, and I was just chillin’. I hear the toilet flush, a plastic-like sound, and then my wife. “Uh-oh….NO!…um…HONEY!!!”

I go running in to see her standing over the toilet like a little kid who just peed their pants. I ask her what’s wrong and she tells me that after she flushed the toilet, but before it was done with the flushing process, she accidentally dropped a brand new, full bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol into the swirling vortex. I tried to fish it out, but could not see it. I broke out the plunger and nothing came up. I flushed the toilet twice and everything went down without issue. I thought the nothing more of the issue.

Now that I was thinking intently about the pervious night’s issue, I knew I had to do something since I can’t go to work and leave my 9 1/2 month pregnant wife home without a working toilet. So, I call into work and tell them I will be late. I wake my wife up and tell her she has one last shot to take a pee before the toilet gets dismantled. She does just that and I go grab my tools.

Flash forward 2 hours later and I have the toilet in pieces, the bowl out in the yard with various tools and a garden hose, but not a solution in site. The bottle had lodged itself inside of the internal trap of the toilet bowl. After much work (and water), I managed to get it about 3/4 of the way through the trap, insomuch that I was able to see part of the cap. This is where it went from bad to suck. The bottle was physically too big to make the next 2 bends to exit the unit. Using a snake would have been futile since it would literally have to break the bottle in half to be effective.

Licking my wounds (not literally, that would just be gross) and knowing when I am defeated, I headed to work not to punch in, but to buy a new toilet. Once home, said toilet was installed and once again, the King has his throne.

Is there a lesson to be learned from all of this? Sure. Monday mornings can be pretty shitty.

We’re in the final countdown until Jackson arrives. My lovely wife has been carrying around the little guy for almost 36 1/2 weeks now, so that means he can literally make an appearance at any time. In fact, we’ve been getting all of the last minute running around accomplished over the past 2 weeks; we’ve done little else.

For example, we went to Sam’s Club this past Friday and stocked up on enough fresh food (meats) frozen food (instant meals) and non-perishables (paper goods, canned goods), that we have a fully stocked pantry and freezer for the next 2 months.

Both his baby bag and an over night back is packed and ready. This includes 2 outfits for Jackson, and a change of clothes for my wife and myself.

All of his wee clothes are washed, folded, and put away. Also, his room is 100% done and ready to be lived in. His crib is ready, already pre-stocked with stuffed animals, there are literally several hundred diapers stowed and ready, and most importantly, there is proper tech in the room.

On a slightly different note, Jess and I ended up having a most wonderful night last night. Feeling bad for her since she has been cooped up in the house for over a week, and needing a change of scenery myself, I picked her up after work and we went out. I was kind enough not to tell her where we were going until we were more than half way there to build some excitement. Our destination: The Crossing outlet store in Tannersville. While Jackson has plenty of clothes to enter this world with, he was needing some more socks and I was curious what good end of season deals we could find.

We made out like bandits!

Our first stop was Carter’s, which usually has great sales on kids clothes. We ended up leaving there with a cute turkey bib, an adorable dinosaur winter fleece outfit, and a few other items. After that, we walked around for a bit, had a nice little snack in the food court, and ended up at The Children’s Place Outlet Store. Jess we hesitant to go in since she loves their clothes, but that are usually quite pricey. Upon entering, we saw plenty of clearance signs. Being a cheap bastard frugal shopper, I looked around at the price signs before the clothes.

$12.99 — too much.

$7.99 — still too much.

$5.99 — closer, but they can do better.

That’s when I hit the motherload. Off the in back corner there were several circular racks with that Holiest of Holy signs perched above each rack — $1.99 & Under. BING! I shuffled my way over there and started looking. These were all summer clothes. Not good for the coming season, but then again, we are pretty stocked up in the winter clothes department. So, I start looking at 6-9 months clothing and am thinking spring/summer. A few minutes later my very exited wife calls me over to a rack where she is holding up a cute shirt. She exclaims, “Look honey, these are only $1.99!” I hold up the bushel of clothing in my arms and say, “I know!” We both laugh and start to go through what I have already picked out. In the end, we scored 5 pairs of shorts and 13 tops for under $35. Our son now has quite a respectable spring/summer wardrobe. Go us for thinking ahead!

After our adventure in shopping, we head home but take a detour on 380 to Scranton, where we have a most excellent meal at Texas Roadhouse. After that, it’s home to sort through all of his new clothing, watch the new episode of Mad Men, and then some Stargate Atlantis in bed. All in all, a most excellent night.

On one last thing before we head off to our weekly obstetrician appointment. We have finally decided on a middle name for our son. His officially name is: Jackson Gabriel Shafer.