I had what some might call an epiphany tonight. It was rather sudden, like most epiphanies are. Mine happened while I was sitting in our rather comfy orange chair in the living room watching ‘Wall-E’. I had my laptop open next to me and I was surfing the net while watching the flick. I’m not quite sure what triggered it, but what I can tell you is that it hit me like a tack hammer to the face.
I need to be a better person.
Now, I’m not saying I’m a horrible person, although I am sure there are some out there who would disagree with me. What I need to be is more than I am right now. In 7 short months, I am slated to be a father. Having children is something I have always wanted whether I have admitted it in the past or not. But there is that underlying fear that I will not be good enough. They say the goal of every parent is to give their children a better life with more opportunities than what they had. I feel that I am up to the task, but at the same time, I am not naïve enough to think I’m not going to make some mistakes along the way. This got me thinking to something else that happened earlier today…
I was doing the dishes while Jess was making dinner when I commented about the shirt I was wearing. It was a shirt I purchased this past summer while on vacation in Ocean Grove, New Jersey. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time I had worn it since we got back from the trip in September. I accused my wife of shrinking it in the wash because it was rather tight on me. My wife gave me that wry smile that only a wife could give. “No honey, you’ve just put on a little more weight since then”, she explained. I had a hard time with this. I refused to believe I’ve put on enough weight to make a shirt I purchased 5 moths ago now tight on me. But, after thinking about it for a few seconds I knew she was right.
While I have come to the rationalization that I would rather be happy and slightly overweight than thin and miserable, there has to be a self-imposed cut off line. Becoming a father this year means I now longer have a choice in the matter. I need to be healthy enough to be around for my child. This was further reinforced about two hours ago when I was checking my friends on Twitter. One of the people I follow, David Hewlett, made a tweet about he and his son today. I also noticed that he changed his Twitter icon. Looking at his icon just solidified my what I had been thinking about since that comment. His picture is the kind of father I want to be. I can’t do that if I’m fat.
Onto a less visceral topic, I brought a new site design online tonight. It’s something I started working on last night and finished up this evening. I spent the last few hours tweaking it and making sure everything was 100% before bringing it online. As always, if you find any bugs, just throw me an email and I’ll get them fixed.
I also changed the background of my Twitter page tonight. I decided to finally sit down and make up a ‘bio’ background. Basically it’s just my contact information and some of the sites I run.
Thanks to the time change, it just went from 1:59am to 3:00am, so I think it’s time for bed. Audios!
