Twev1701.net 2002-2012

Since I have added the little widget to the right that shows all the previous posts for a given day (On This Day In Twevland…), my frequency of posts has really been bothering me. Back in 2004, I was a posting machine. Then, in 2005, I was still posting, but definitely a lot less than 2004. Now, it would appear that I forgot my username and password in 2006 because there doesn’t seem to be many posts from that year. Hell, i can admit right now that 2007 has been another year of decline in posting, especially with the advent of twitter.

So, here’s what I am going to try and do. My goal from this day forward is 1 post per day. Even it is a small, nonsense post, just something to mark down what was doing on so I have a record. I know that’s a big commitment, but I think I can do it. Worse comes to worse though, I will be happy with 5 posts per week.

The site now has a new feature.

When I am bored, or maybe working on something, you can now see what I am up to. Through the magic of the interwebs, you can now access Twev1701 Live!

There is no set schedule, but whenever I feel like turning on the camera, we’ll be broadcasting.

If you forget the link, there is a permalink to the right under the ‘Pages’ category.

Here’s how you make a perfect day off (so far).

You fall asleep with your wife, rather late, while watching the snow fall.

You wake up a decent hour, and yet, still manage to sleep in from you normal schedule. For me, this was 8am.

You walk out of the bedroom and seen a clean living room with kittens playing on the floor, and the cats sleeping around the space heater to stay warm.

You look out the window and it’s still snowing, and there is a good coating on the ground.

You sit down at your computer, and make a new header for your website.

After said header is done, post some new pics to flickr.

Knowing you have the entire day off, you really want to play those games you never got to yesterday. But you can’t decide which games. You reach out to your twitter friends for advice.

Still not knowing what game to play, you hope that making a blog post about your morning will help you decide.

You realize that the blog post isn’t helping the decision making process.

Okay, maybe that last item really shouldn’t be in the recipe, but the rest of it should. As far as I know, this day can only get better!

Lots going on, lots of things changing. I just wish I could talk about it all.

For right now, my main goal is trying to put my life back together.

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I’m working all day, working on a new venture at night, and trying to look for a new job as well. Add to that cleaning, laundry, family, pets, and whatnot, and I don’t have a lot of time for anything else lately.

In fact, I was determined to sit down and play Bioshock yesterday. Never happened. Although I did clean the kitchen, do all the dishes, cook breakfast, and cook dinner.

I need to make a few calls and see if we can’t add a few more hours into each day!

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I stayed up very late last night (3am) and was looking at a few hundred pics on my HD. Those pictures spanned the past 5 years or so. Looking through them made me very nostalgic. In almost all the pictures, I looked very happy and have very happy memories associated with them. However, I noticed a disturbing trend. Almost all the pics, save for the pics from England, that were taken in 2007, I didn’t seem to be too happy. I wasn’t sure why.

Then tonight, I went through some old files, read some old blog entries, and looked at some more old pics. Then it hit me. I took over being department manager in December of 2006. In taking that position, I inherited an unknown shit-storm of problems left over from the previous manager. So many and so bad in fact, that I am still dealing with his issues. Ever since I took over that department, I have been generally unhappy and unnecessarily stressed.

It’s not worth it.

I saw a picture online today that really kinda bothered me, and reminded me what the important things are in life. After seeing it, I decided to stop sitting around and being stressed out about everything and enjoy what I have in front of me that I have been ignoring.

In that spirit, I made dinner (roast in crock pot), did all the dishes up, cleaned the kitchen, and took a shower– all before noon. Then, at about 12:45pm, Loki and I set off for a nice long walk. We ended up walking all the way down to the Carey Ave bridge. It was a very nice walk on a very nice day. Loki even got to see his first train today. (he didn’t like it too much)

There was a moment during that walk in which everything made sense.

After walking to the bridge, Loki and I decided to take a little break. We had been walking for 45 minutes straight, and both of us could use a bit of a breather. So, I sat down in the grass along the edge of the dike. Loki came right over and sat in my lap. I sat there petting Loki in my lap, looking over a lush green field, and an adjoining baseball field. I then looked further and saw the school, all the houses of that neighborhood, and in the distance, the mountains. By this time, it had clouded up a bit, but it wasn’t too cool out. At that moment, everything was perfect. There was no stress, no worries, no nothing. In that moment of clarity, I uttered out loud, “This is what my life should be like. This is what I have been waiting for.” Perfect clarity.

For the past few years, my personal motto has been “I’m tired of being what you want me to be”. This was me rebelling against everyone’s expectations of how I should act, what I should wear, and what I should be doing with my life. I never had that ‘rebel’ stage in my teenage years. I ended up having mine in my mid-twenties. Regardless, I’m beyond that point. That motto, while very true and inspirational at the time, is too negative for me right now. It just adds to the negativity that I am forced to wade through everyday. Sitting there, I thought of a new motto to live by.

“Live for what you have”

Stop worrying about what you’ve lost, and stop stressing over what you can’t have. You should plan for what you would like, but enjoy what you have. Just because you want something new or different, don’t ignore what’s in front of you. I’ve been so concerned with trying to create this life for Jess and I, that I have lost sight and touch with the life that we do have. I realize that now. We’re never going to be rich. We’re never going to be out of debt. Yes, gas is going to get to $11 a gallon within 10 years. Yes, it’s going to get to the point where we’re all working more and more hours and having less and less to show for it. Right now, I’m finally okay with that. As long as I don’t lose sight of what’s right in front of me. Spend time your wife when you can. Take the dog for a walk and play with him while he’s here. Let the cats jump on your lap while you’re on the computer and take 2 minutes to pet them. Fast food may be easy and quick, but take the time to cook that meal and eat it together. Life is far too short to be living in the ‘what could be’ or ‘what could have been’. Live in the now. Live for what you have.

I finally get it.

And because I get it, I know I have to make some changes to my life. For the first time in a long time, I can see my path. It’s not a long road ahead. In fact, it’s not even in front of me. It’s off to the right and onto a nice park bench. It’s time to go back a bit. It’s time to eliminate the unnecessary stress from my life.

At work when I was in the hardware department I was happy. I went in, did my job, and went home. Work never came home. There was a clear separation. I rarely thought of work when I was home, and I never got calls from work after hours. In the 3 1/2 years I was there, I honestly think I got called twice.

When I moved to installed sales, all I did was pull merchandise. I never quite knew what my job was going to be. And yes, there were quite a few times work followed me home. And yes, I did get a few phone calls.

When became manager of installed sales, my job was pure and total chaos. My job literally changed minute to minute. Work followed me home everyday. There are so many calls that I have taken to shutting off my cell phone sometimes on nights and weekends. I don’t sleep as well, and I dread going into work.

I need to go back to the hardware days. I don’t need to be in charge anymore, at least, not in installed sales. I need to go back to being a grunt. I need to redefine the boundaries in my life. I’m not too sure if it’s going to be with this company or perhaps another company, but nonetheless, the solution is the same. Less unnecessary bullshit stress.

It’s time to make my life my own again. Start living for what I have.

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I am very discouraged at the moment. We got our new ‘benefits’ package at work this week, and we have until November 19th to decide what we want for 2008.

What a kick in the balls.

We’ve gone from a co-pay system, to a co-pay with deductible system. What does that mean? Let’s explain.

Right now, if I need to go to the doctor’s, it costs me $15. If it’s a specialist, it’s $25. Not too shabby. Also, God forbid we need to head to the ER, it costs us $75. Now, taking all that into consideration, if we need to have a procedure or test done, it is covered 100%. Not too bad for the $260 a month I pay for my wife and I.

With our new ‘plan’, this is how it breaks down. If I want to go to the doctor’s, it’s not $25, and for a specialist, it’s $35. That’s a $10 increase, and I can live with that. But, what if I need to go to the ER? That’s gone up to $150 per visit now. Wow, that just doubled in price. I guarantee that the wait time is still the same for double the price! Now, if we needed a test or procedure done, it’s covered 0%. Yep, that’s not a typo folks. We have to pay everything out of pocket until we fork out $1,500. Keep in mind, co-pays for doctor and ER visits don’t count toward the $1,500. Now, once I reach $1,500 out of pocket costs, my insurance is till making me pay 20% of everything until I reach an out of pocket total of $10,000. Yep, that’s $10,000. So, if I break my arm and need to go to the ER, I’m most likely looking at a $2,000+ bill. ($150 visit, X-Rays, cast, sling, doctor costs, etc.)

So, where does that leave me? Between a rock and a hard place, that’s where. After talking it over with Jess, we’ve come to the decision that after over 5 years, it’s time for me to switch jobs. What really sucks is that I feel like my company is not giving me a choice but to look for other employment. When it all comes down to it, I can’t afford their medical plan, but I can’t afford to be without medical benefits. We talked about looking elsewhere and buying our own medical, but if we did that, what is the point for me sticking around where I am at? There isn’t one, so I’m not.

What really bother me in all of this is where we are heading as a country. My family is very middle class. We don’t own a lot, have quite a bit of debt, and barely make $50,000 combined per year (even less take home). With oil prices soaring, a good source (works for a major oil company) told me that the way things are trending, gas will be at $5 a gallon by June, and will most likely not go down from there. Also, from what I have been told and read, natural gas costs will be rising 50% this January. That means that my heating bills will now double. Now with my company screwing me on my medical coverage, I get really frustrated. How is someone who works 40hrs a week, supposed to survive? This is especially true when your company gives you a $.27 raise per year and expects you to be eternally grateful for their generosity.

With regards to the utility companys, I would love to see what would happen if its customers got together and voted for a 20% reduction in our monthly rates. I don’t think that would appreciate someone else dictating what their income would be. Funny, that’s exactly what they do to their customers when they decide they need a 50% increase. Just because they want a 50% increase, doesn’t mean that our paychecks go up 50%. Most of us are lucky if we see a 3% increase per year. Couple that with the falling value of the dollar, and it creates a very scary scenario.

At what point is it going to be a reality that you simply cannot afford to keep a roof over your head with lights and heat with 2 people working 80hrs a week?

I think it’s time to move to Canada or England.